We’ve all seen them – guys that are so in love with themselves and their image that the only person that doesn’t realise they carry on like a prat is them. Now, it’s not in the nature of this site to be judgmental about how people live their lives – people are free to do what they want as far as I’m concerned as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else. However, considering we get ahead in our careers and life in general not only by our own hard work but by the good grace of others, it probably pays not to be seen as a douchebag by everyone around you. Below are some telltale signs that make up our typical modern douchebag. If you are more than a couple of these things, time to take a look in the mirror buddy because you aren’t doing yourself, or masculinity in general any favours by acting the way you do.
1. You watch Jersey Shore….and aspire to it
Ok, so not everyone shares my taste in tv and some people actually enjoy watching this show. When you start to talk about it at the office, start to speak of GTL all the time and try to be like these guys in general, man you need to wake up. These guys are being paid to go out and act like dickheads – they don’t have jobs (let alone careers), they don’t have life skills, all they do is go to the gym, go out to the club and get drunk all the time. In 5 years time they will have spent all their money that they made on the show and will be working some crappy job that is more suited to a teenager just out of high school. Need more proof? The Italian American community hates them for how they make Italians look, and the producers are having serious issues trying to get a season done in Italy because no one wants them there.
2. You always start fights
If you’re the type of guy that constantly says “what are you looking at”, “you wanna take it outside” or you go off when someone bumps into you in a packed nightclub, yep, you have douchebag tendencies. No one like guys that constantly have to threaten everyone in sight to prove their manhood, and these days if you act like that your chances of getting seriously hurt by a guy that decides you’re not worth the face to face trouble and instead blindsides or stabs you from behind is going to be pretty high.
3. You love Ed Hardy clothing
I’m not really one to begrudge other people their choice of clothing, but considering how many dickheads flaunt this label you are going to be automatically pinged by most people as a douchebag whether you are or not if you are wearing it.
4. You sport a haircut like Pauly D on Jersey Shore, you have a rat’s tail…
you cram your hair with so much gel it looks like you just went swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, or you obsess over it more than a woman does. The fact is, most people can tell a douchebag a mile away by his haircut.
5. You choose every bit of clothing by how it accentuates your roided out physique
When your wardrobe consists solely of singlets and ultra tight t shirts in order to show your guns off, you aren’t just heading for douchebagville, you’re the mayor. For Christ sake, no one needs to see it all the damn time, how about wearing a long sleeved shirt with nice jeans or pants if you’re going out for dinner, the people in the restaurant are interested in their food, not your biceps.
6. You always have your collar popped up
Enough said, next.
7. You wear sunglasses and hats indoors, at night, at the movies,
and any other place where it’s unnecessary and stupid. Double points if you do it at a restaurant.
8. You constantly refer to women as sluts, bitches, whores and so on.
You think it makes you look all tough and alpha male, in reality it makes you look misogynistic, rough and utterly disrespectful of a woman’s right to do anything but be the recipient of your no doubt aggressive sexual advances.
9. You think the world shares your taste in music
and that by driving with it at a volume so loud the next suburb hears, people will look at you and think “oh my god, he’s so cool!” Newsflash, everyone but other douchebags thinks you’re a dickhead.
10. You’re into cars and can’t afford something expensive, so you hot up a Hyundai Excel.
Guys that do this in Sydney are a dime a dozen. No one is impressed by your crappy Korean car with the hectic shiny rims you put on it and the spoiler that is so big it wouldn’t fit on a formula 1 car.
11. You make stupid hand gestures and poses in photos, or try to look tough
See the picture at the top of the article for a great example
That’s just a short list, no doubt there are plenty of other indicators. What do you think are douchebag behaviours?